Sometimes, life is scary...

Sometimes, life is scary and there is nothing you can do but hold on for the ride and pray you come out the other side unscathed. I'm going through one of those moments right now. Last night I went to the Emergency Room with abdominal pains that rivaled labor pains, turns out for good reason too. I have gall stones, this, in and of itself, is not so scary. Gall stones can pass, your gall bladder can be removed, but not if your pregnant. Imagine my surprise when the doctor tells the required pregnancy test, via blood, turned up positive!

I don't know which was harder, to be miserable while so happy, or happy while in so much pain. I smiled through the pain, my husband smiled and all was as good as could be in that moment. But it wouldn't last long. I was put on pregnancy safe pain meds and soon enough I was comfortable, an ultra-sound technician came in to see if she could spot any gall stones that might be causing an obstruction, thankfully there are none. Then my doctor wanted to talk about our "options". My gall bladder needs to be removed, but if a surgery is performed, there's a great chance for a miscarriage, not exactly what I wanted to hear. After spending the night in the hospital hopped up on drugs and saline solution, and talking to the surgeon in the morning, surgery will be put off, but with consequences.

Not only am I put on an anti-vomiting drug, and a pain killer, I also have an ulcer reducing medication as a precaution, none of these are ideal for baby of course, but they come with less risk than a surgery. I also am on a very restricted low-fat, low-cholesterol diet, which means I have to immediately wean my daughter from breastfeeding, or risk malnourishing the growing baby. The hope is that I can make it through the entire pregnancy, deliver and THEN have my gall bladder removed, but reality is, it'll be nice to make it past the first trimester before it needs to be done.

I never thought this is how I would find out I was pregnant, I never thought I would be SO concerned for the life of my unborn child. These are the things that happen to other people, not to me; I'm the woman who has the perfect pregnancy and perfect child, but reality is, I am that other woman whom I have so feared I would be. I will follow this crazy diet, and try to put up with as much pain as possible before resorting to drugs, I will pray for my health and for my unborn baby, and no matter what happens, I will survive.

Sometimes life is scary, but we can't run away from it; sometimes we have to grab life and hold on, hoping all the while that our fears are unfounded.